Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?

So, yes, to most tough and mighty snowflake Democrats, the Republican party be they six-pack swordsmen, MMA champs or belly-spillover goons, are indeed raiders, pirates and invaders. Now, all you smug and self-satisfied Vikings, please pack up all your troll bullshit, sail off to Valhalla and get the fuck out.

I’m sure there are many Republicans who resemble Vikings. However, which ones in particular do you refer to? tRump? Grossly overweight, absurdly coiffed, and infamously incontinent? Rudy? Alcoholic and incoherent and trying (in vain), like a real legal warrior, to evade the subpoena servers? Bannon? He looks like a red-faced Viking who drank all the mead. Pot belly Cruz fleeing to Cancun? How about Don Jr? Maybe he’s too babbling stoned to go elephant hunting like the tough guy he thinks he is. (Nor are we certain that if and when he does, he is lucid enough to be aware that he murders the symbol of his own party.) I’ve seen photos of many a right wing nut gun boy who appears to have really gotten into the beer-and-burger supply took on an extra 60 pound load. I never knew that a Pillsbury Doughboy body type was Ragnar Lothbrok in disguise. Just last week I saw a photo of an arsenal-toting .45 caliber and 45 pants waist fat boy looming at a fast food counter. He won’t just go down with the Viking long ship, he himself might cause it to capsize.

Anyway, in fact, fyi, the proper and accurate historical definition of Viking is not “fearless mighty muscular white Nordic brute warrior wielding a battle axe and shield to smite lib pussies”, but raider, pirate and invader. Literally. You can look it up.

Why is it common for guys to sleep with 10-20 women then marry a good girl?